My little lady
My baby has become a little girl.......
It's bitter sweet!
Happy 3rd Birthday Bean!!!! Before I begin I must warn you that this isn't the happy post about her best birthday ever.
This really was the best year and party, but the day of her birthday was hard for me (and her too). I'm sure hormones have a lot to do with it...but preggers or not it was a rough day;
here's why:
This was the first (and hopefully last) year that I was not able to be home with her on her birthday. Schools are out of substitute money therefore we can’t miss school unless its an emergency. With little man on the way, I’ve already missed too many days/hours lately. It makes it hard on the rest of my team (we have to split the kids up between the other teachers in my grade level). So I thought bringing cupcakes to her at school (while my students were at PE) would be the next best thing. I’m glad I went but I never realized how hard that would be on Jill (and me too) when it was time for me to leave. She broke my heart as she begged me to take her with me. She begged me not to leave her on her birthday and promised she’d be good if I took her with me. Did she think I was leaving her because she isn’t good? I explained I had to go back to work and that I’d be back soon, but nothing helped. Her teacher had to pry her off me, kicking and screaming and begging me not to go and saying how much she loved me. I felt like the biggest piece of ****, the worst mommy ever…I just wanted to kick and scream and cry too!!! I went back to school a wreck. How could it be her third birthday and I’m not with her (and to think I’m about to do this all over again with little man).
I know this is normal for a lot of moms, but I don’t want this to be normal for me, I had a baby because I wanted to be with her, raise her and teach her. Just yesterday she sang me a song I didn’t know she knew and that broke my heart. I should be the one teaching her songs, I should KNOW what songs she knows. I didn’t teach her her ABC’s, colors or how to count...none of it. That’s my job and it’s so not fair that someone else gets to do it. I couldn’t help but cry, I was an emotional wreck!!! I can’t miss any more.
Everyone said it gets easier with time, but they lied. Every time she cries for me when I leave it breaks my heart. I know what those teachers are thinking, even if they are the greatest teacher, no one likes a cry baby and I know she cries for me everyday. When I pick her up the afternoon teachers say that when she wakes up from her nap she realizes where she is and that I’m not there and it starts again.
I went to daycare as a kid (only for one year when I was 4) and I remember that feeling I’d get when my mom would leave, it never got better, I hated everyday of it. The school was fine and I had friends but I ONLY wanted my mom and only she could make me better. I thought that Jill would be adjusted and used to going before she could really “remember”, but she remembers things now and I know she’ll remember this at that makes me cry even more.
This was the first (and hopefully last) year that I was not able to be home with her on her birthday. Schools are out of substitute money therefore we can’t miss school unless its an emergency. With little man on the way, I’ve already missed too many days/hours lately. It makes it hard on the rest of my team (we have to split the kids up between the other teachers in my grade level). So I thought bringing cupcakes to her at school (while my students were at PE) would be the next best thing. I’m glad I went but I never realized how hard that would be on Jill (and me too) when it was time for me to leave. She broke my heart as she begged me to take her with me. She begged me not to leave her on her birthday and promised she’d be good if I took her with me. Did she think I was leaving her because she isn’t good? I explained I had to go back to work and that I’d be back soon, but nothing helped. Her teacher had to pry her off me, kicking and screaming and begging me not to go and saying how much she loved me. I felt like the biggest piece of ****, the worst mommy ever…I just wanted to kick and scream and cry too!!! I went back to school a wreck. How could it be her third birthday and I’m not with her (and to think I’m about to do this all over again with little man).
I know this is normal for a lot of moms, but I don’t want this to be normal for me, I had a baby because I wanted to be with her, raise her and teach her. Just yesterday she sang me a song I didn’t know she knew and that broke my heart. I should be the one teaching her songs, I should KNOW what songs she knows. I didn’t teach her her ABC’s, colors or how to count...none of it. That’s my job and it’s so not fair that someone else gets to do it. I couldn’t help but cry, I was an emotional wreck!!! I can’t miss any more.
Everyone said it gets easier with time, but they lied. Every time she cries for me when I leave it breaks my heart. I know what those teachers are thinking, even if they are the greatest teacher, no one likes a cry baby and I know she cries for me everyday. When I pick her up the afternoon teachers say that when she wakes up from her nap she realizes where she is and that I’m not there and it starts again.
I went to daycare as a kid (only for one year when I was 4) and I remember that feeling I’d get when my mom would leave, it never got better, I hated everyday of it. The school was fine and I had friends but I ONLY wanted my mom and only she could make me better. I thought that Jill would be adjusted and used to going before she could really “remember”, but she remembers things now and I know she’ll remember this at that makes me cry even more.
I can’t take this, especially x2.
Jill was born at 2:52pm and I was not with her…I wanted to scream! (little man better be born in the evening so I can ALWAYS be with him, no wait then I’ll feel guilty for being with one and not the other…man this just sucks!!!)
Jill was born at 2:52pm and I was not with her…I wanted to scream! (little man better be born in the evening so I can ALWAYS be with him, no wait then I’ll feel guilty for being with one and not the other…man this just sucks!!!)
Here she is enjoying her cupcake...she loved them!All was well until she knew I was leaving...I hate this, I want to be a SAHM!!!!!!
posted by ninibeans @ 10:26 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home