She said it best

Erin of School Teacher by Day, Superhero by Night said is best. She wrote a post yesterday that put into words what I haven't been able to say. I cried as I read her words; I understood each one. I was supposed to go back to work on November 9th, but things worked out so that I was able to wait until January. I feel so blessed to get these extra days. These are two months that I almost didn't get. Two months of smiles I almost missed. I don't even want to think about not having them.


While I do feel blessed to have had this time, it is the end that is so real. It's knowing that soon these day long snuggles will end. My heart breaks knowing that all too soon someone else will get more time with my son then I will. I'd give anything to stay home, I don't want to leave him, oh how it hurts.

I remember the day I dropped Jill off for the first time and cried all the way to work. I hid in my office and went to nurse her on my lunch break. Then I left early, I couldn't take it any longer. It was a very painful day. Knowing how painful the day is going to be makes it that much worse.

Maternity leave is never enough. No matter when I have to go back to work, I'll always want one more day. Just one more day, and another, and another...

Two months

Today marks two months.
Two months that I have had a son.
To months that Jill has been a sissy.
Two months that I have had KIDS.
Two months as a family of four.
Two of the best months ever.

Dear Chase,

I just love being your mommy. I am so happy to have a son. You have been the best baby, so happy, pleasant and content. You hardly cry. Little grunts if you need to be changed and little wipers if you’re hungry. You wake and smile and coo and play with your hands. You sleep like a champ. You usually go to bed around 10, wake around 3am to be changed and eat, and again at 6:30. Then you’re up for awhile and we talk and smile. You like your play mat and you have already rolled over. At three weeks I put you on your tummy for the first time and you rolled over, and you’ve done it every time since. You prefer to be on your back to play. You also love your bouncy seat like your sissy did. There is a bird on there that you two find fascinating. You have been able to grab the ring and make them chime. You were very proud of this and told the birdie all about it. You love taking showers too!

You have grown so big; you are already over 13lbs. You started wearing size 2 diapers at 6 weeks and you wear 3-6 month clothes already! We had to move your straps on your car seat and for Halloween you wore the same pajamas your sissy did at 6 months old. I can’t believe how fast you’ve grown. You smile all the time now too. Big cooing smiles, oh so cute smiles!!! I get lots of smiles while nursing, you are still only nursing.

My first smile came in the middle of the night while in your rocking chair. When you are hungry you reach for my shirt and babble at me. I imagine you saying “Hi momma I’m a little hungry, can I eat now?” You are always so peaceful and calm. I love holding you and looking into your eyes as you doze off to sleep. Being up with you at night is heavenly, not that I wouldn’t like to sleep some time, but I enjoy that quiet alone time with you. There was a full moon this month and sitting next to your window rocking and looking at you by moon light and knowing that I was able to give you all you need was empowering. I’m so honored to be a mother, there is so much responsibility in that word yet so much joy that it make my heart sparkle.

This month like months to come was filled with many firsts. Your best buddy Dillon James was born October 14th. You celebrated your first Halloween. You dressed up and went to your first pumpkin patch. I celebrated my first birthday with you, and took you to my favorite pizza place Giordanos!

Newborn Pictures

My friend Sue with The Way We Were Photography came over when Chase was two weeks old and spent almost all day photographing my little man.
This one will be on my desk at school!

Her mom made all the hats and diaper covers

and she brought all of the baskets and blankets with her.

This was right after Chase peed in Eric's face!

I'm so sad I missed it!

Jillene loves her "broder"!

Precious little hand,

and tiny little feet.

This picture hangs in a store window in a local town. The owner loved it so much she asked the owner of the frame store next door to frame it. It is now the center of her display of sock monkeys, my boy is already famous!

Ummm, I love this sweet boy!

My gifts from God.

One Month

One month ago today this is where I was. In room #211, the same room Jill was born in.

We were supposed to be at the hospital at 8AM to be induced, but we were late of course. We had to stop for gas.

Being induced had not been my plan. I really wanted to go on my own this time, but I guess Chase had other plans. I had been contracting for two+ weeks on and off. At my last two appointments the doctors said they didn't think I'd make it to the next appointment and that scheduling the induction was just in case. Well it was a good thing they did, I don't think my little man was planning on coming any time soon. He was pretty comfortable in there, and now as I look back I was pretty happy with him in there too. Yes those last few weeks I was so anxious to meet him, but I felt great and loved being pregnant with my boy.

Once nurse Judy got me settled in my room Dr. J checked me at 9am and I was 4cm and 100% effaced, all ready to go! She decided to go ahead and break my water. It feels so icky being wet. I see chicks on TV (too much of TLC's "A Baby Story") walking the halls after their water breaks and I don't get it? Mine gushed too much with both kids; they'd have to follow behind me with a mop! So that part wasn't very enjoyable, but I knew that brought me one step closer to meeting my son. Once my water was broken real contractions started on their own.

I was happy to know that my body was ready.

RN students from a local college were following nurses that day. My nurse Jenny was working with a student named Krista. I was asked if Krista could start my IV and since by brother is working towards nursing school I thought of him and agreed. Well that was the most painful part of my labor and delivery. Krista's teacher walked in as she began and she was asking her questions while she was stabbing me, not very reassuring.

By 10:30 I was at 5 cm and really feeling the contractions. With Jill after receiving my epidural I was able to relax and went quickly from there. So I decided to go ahead and get the epidural. They started pitocin at the same time. By 1:40 I was at 6cm and at 2:10 I was 7cm, I knew it wouldn't be long. At around 2:30 I started feeling the contractions again and then a lot of pressure. My nurse had me roll over and said if I still felt them in 10 min she'd increase the epidural. Well 10 minute later the pressure was really getting strong so she called for the anesthesiologist.

Then I had to push. I asked her to check me and at 2:52 (the time Jill was born) she confirmed I was ready to go. But as luck would have it, my doctor wasn't there, she was at the office. So I waited and waited, it was challenging, but I like a good challenge!
Since Eric had prior experience (he delivered Jillene), Dr. J let him get suited up and deliver Chase as well. After less than two minutes of pushing E got to be the first one to touch him and watch him take his first breath. At 3:28 we welcomed Chase Alexander into this world. Eric put him on me right away and it was just amazing. His birth was such a peaceful and joyful experience. It was perfect from start to finish.

I was so unbelievably happy!

Since coming home Chase has been a great baby. He is very easy going, cries only if he needs to be changed or if he's hungry. He eats like a champ, latched on great from the start. He is a great sleeper too. He's asleep between 8-9 PM and sleeps until around 12-1. He eats and is back out within 30min and then sleeps until 5-6, then sleeps again until 8-9. Then he's up for the morning. He started smiling and cooing and is especially happy in morning. I can't get enough of him, I could hold him all do; I think I did the first few weeks!!! He loves taking baths and sucks his thumb. He doesn't really like the paci or drinking from the bottle (BM), but since I have to go back to work, bottles are something he has to get used to. This breaks my heart; I'd give anything to be home with my kids...sigh.

Jill was so happy to meet "broder".

She loves him so much and wants to do everything for him. She loves holding him and even changed his poopy diaper! She loves him a little too much sometimes, but we are working on that.

Have I mentioned that she named him? Chase was a name on the list, along with many others. She heard us talking names one day and declared his name to be Chase. We weren't sold right away. One day Daddy and his friend Nick were hanging out with her by the swing set and again discussing names...this made her very unhappy since she had already told us his name. On that day she declared his full name to be "Chase Alawander" as she says it, Chase Alexander to us! We are now hooked and according to her "broder told me that's his name" so how could we name him anything else!

We are so happy to have this little boy home! This is one of my favorite pictures of him. He had his first photo shoot with Sue at 15 days old.
I'll be posting more of the pictures she took in the next post.

Chase,
I'm so in love you baby! You are amazing and I look forward to each and every day with you. I'm so proud to be your momma and I'm thrilled to have a son!

Tomorow, tomorrow...

my due date's tomorrow

it's only hours away!!!!

(you know, to the Annie tune)

(5 weeks)

From this to this in nine short months

(39 weeks)

The thing is it doesn't feel like hours away, it feels like it'll never get here!!!

I really can't believe I'm still preggers, with Jill I was holding a two week old baby when her due date rolled around. If he hasn't made his appearance by Thursday, I'm set to be induced...... or shall I say he's getting evicted!!!

I didn't really want it to happen that way, but I want to meet him and that seems like the only option at the moment, I'm desperate to meet my boy!!!

I still feel great, actually better these past few weeks since he dropped. I had major back pain for most of this pregnancy but that's gotten so much better lately. Maybe that's why he's still hanging out, he knows I feel great. I even still have ankles and toes, and I can even see them (well kind of!)

I'm headed out to start walking, maybe that will help...wish my luck!!!

CHASE COME OUT AND MEET YOUR FAMILY!!!!!!

Love ya Little Man,

Momma

Hours? Days? or Weeks?

It could be any of those before I meet my boy. His due date is in 9 days, but at this point with Jill she was already in my arms. He's already baked 8 days longer then his sister. I know every pregnancy is different but I just can't wait any longer...I want to meet my boy!

At my doctors appointment on Thursday I was 1-2 CM and at zero station and the doctor said he didn’t expect to see me next week, and that sounded perfect to me too, I’d rather not see him either! I’m feeling so anxious and ready. I’ve been cleaning floors every night, I have all the laundry done, I’m done with BR work and I have weeks 1-4 of lesson plans done for my students. Now I just need my boy in my arms. I woke up Thursday morning at 4:30 feeling what I thought were real contractions. I’ve had BH Contractions for a while now, but these were different. Major cramps very low and into my upper thighs. They stopped me in my tracks. There were three good ones about 6-8 min apart and then they became sporadic. I went on to school where they continued but not getting any stronger. Friday was the same. I woke up sporadically through the night and they continued that way all day, but that was it. They didn't get stronger or closer together. This weekend they pretty much stopped. I've tried eating really spicy things, mac-n-cheese with A1 sauce, we at the Mexican restaurant I ate at the night before Jill was born (even had the same thing) and nothing. I've been walking, I even climbed about a million (OK it felt that way) stairs at the water park today to take Jill on a tube slide. Getting my butt into the back of a double tube must have been a funny sight, it was pretty challenging but I did it and we had a blast!

So I guess I will have another week with my students. The plan is for Friday to be my last day since my due date will be the following Tuesday and school is closed Monday for labor day. At this point I think I may still be pregnant that week too. It feels like he'll never get here. I now I probably sound silly since I still have over a week until I'm due. I'm just so anxious. Since Jill came before I expected her too I never had the "when is the baby coming" feelings, she surprised me (as she still does daily!), so I guess that's why this feels weird to me.

I just want my boy!!!!

Chase,
I can’t wait to meet you. You are so close yet you seem so far. As I rest my hands on you I feel you move, but I want to feel you moving out here. Your sister can’t wait to meet you too. I think she may be more anxious then daddy and I. I can’t wait to see what you look like, hear your cry and see those cute little toes. The closer it gets to the end the longer it seems like it’s taking. You are the missing part to our family puzzle and we need you to come join us and make us complete. The Grandfathers (or farters to your sis), Grammy, Mimi and Pop Pop are so excited to meet you too. Your Aunt Rachele and all your uncles are waiting too (there are so many of them you'll have an endless supply!) We love you big boy, please come meet your momma! I know I've asked you to wait September for the last nine months (because I love sapphires) but if your ready come on!!! August is a good month too, I'm sure that birthstone is pretty!

I love brother...

Brother loves me

We're a happy family

With a great big hug and a kiss from me to him

Won't he say he loves me too!
This is the song Jillene has been singing. She is so excited about having a brother and just can't wait to meet him. Every morning they have their special time together. I'm so thankful for this summer, it gives Jill all the time she wants to spend with him without the rush of tiring to get ready to be somewhere each morning. She wakes up, tells me good morning and kisses me and then goes straight for the belly! She tells him good morning, hugs him, lays across my belly just waiting for him to kick her. She gets so excited every morning like it was the first time she felt him. She tells him what they are going to do that day, or what cartoons they are going to watch. She always asks him if the plans/show is OK with him, pauses a bit and then says "OK brother", and says brother is excited too. I just can't wait to see them together! She will be the first one in the room with us once little man is born and will get all the time she wants alone with him.

As a mom I feel so happy/proud that I can give my daughter a sibling. It makes me cry just thinking of them together. There are times that I am sad that the days of just me and my girl are almost over, but then she walks up and touches her brother and tells him she loves him and I know she wouldn't have it any other way. I hope the love she has for him know never fades, I pray it grows and grows. I have made sure that this summer if full of wonderful memories for Jill. She and I are doing many special things together, just she and I...I'll post about those adventures later.

Today also makes 30 weeks, 3/4 of the way there, he'll be here before we know it. We go for a 3D ultrasound tomorrow. I'll post pictures and maybe even belly shots too. Next Sunday I'm having real belly pictures done and then the next week is Chase's baby shower. Jill calls it brother's party or Chase's party and is so excited to be a part of it. She can't wait to go. She always looks at the pictures from her baby shower and comments on the smiles on every ones faces (especially mommy's). She knows we're all smiling because we were soooooo excited that she was coming and she wants to be smiling at brother's shower so he knows how happy she is that he is coming!!!!

Peek a Boo Brother

(see her peeking around him?...too cute)

***Disclaimer...

I can't believe I'm posting pictures of me in a bathing suit, normally I wouldn't do this not preggers, but I just love love love my belly this pregnancy and I actually like what I look like in a swim suit now! OK maybe the hormones are making me crazy, but for now I'm liking my preggers self!